Always Kiss Me Goodnight

I've grown so tired of this saying over the past couple years. My mom has had a side business of creating hand painted signs like the ones you find in craft stores, for the past 7 years. Therefore, I've been to my fair share of 'primitive shops' and craft stores where this saying has been painted on anything that can make a room more decorative. I've seen this saying so many times that my eye automatically twitches when I see those 4 words, and my mind immediately wants to scream, "THINK OF SOMETHING ORIGINAL". I've seen this phrase for years, and I never realized how much I agree with it, until now.

I've always been the type of person to never leave a situation on bad terms. Even if I'm so angry that I don't feel like looking at the other person, I can't leave them like that. I have my fair share of angry moments, but I always try to keep things calm for the departure. I've always been afraid that one day something will happen to that person when I would least expect it, and my last words to them would be something awful. I couldn't live with myself if that happened. And then it did. Almost.

I've always been proud of some of the photographs I've taken throughout the years. My brother is an artist and my mom is a painter herself, but I had my photography. One day I showed my mother a photo I was immensely proud of. She came in, looked at the computer, and made a face. "You could have got a better angle than that", she said. I just stared at her. My mother is a very emotional lady when it comes to her own things, but when others ask for her opinion, she gives the hard truth. That's just how she is. She's quick to judge without thinking things through. I wont lie, I know she doesn't find my photo's to be all too interesting, but each time I show her a photo I hope she'll lie and tell me how good it is. She never does.

At that point, I was sick of it. I've never been one to shout insults at my parents, or slam my door. I think the worst I've ever done was stomp to my room. But that day I went on a rant about how much she never supports anything I do or enjoy. I was being your typical teenager. She was shocked, to say the least, that I got so upset over a "friendly suggestion". I didn't speak to her the rest of the afternoon, until I was about to leave for work. I purposely avoided all eye contact and said one cold-hearted word, "bye."

It was a normal night at work. Slow, as usual. My coworker, Seth, and I sat around and shot insults and rubber bands at each other. I'm not supposed to, but I had my phone in my pocket that night. My dad called me while I was working, but I didn't think much of it. It was half an hour until we closed so I figured I'd call him back later. Ten minutes went by and we had no customers, so I figured I'd check the voicemail he left me. It was short. It just said, "Hey, give me a call back, I need to talk to you. bye."

Again, I didn't think too much of it. Sure it was strange, but my dad has always been awkward when leaving voicemail messages. Half an hour came and went, and we closed down the shop. I remember that night was rainy, and I took the interstate home. I called my dad as soon as I got in my car. No answer. Called 5 minutes later. Still no answer. I kept calling throughout my 20 minute drive home, but no answer. I assumed his phone had died.

When I got home, our inside dog was out in the pouring rain, soaked from head to toe. I took her inside and I was ready to ask my mom how she forgot about the dog with the weather like it was. I quickly realized I wouldn't be asking that question, because no one was home. I knew I couldn't reach my dad, so I called my mom's phone. A loud vibration carried from the kitchen counter. She'd left her phone at home. Figured. So, I called my brother. No answer. At this point I started to worry. From the time I got off work, until then, I had called my dad 15 times, and my brother 3 times. Finally, on the 4th try, my brother picked up. "Hey, do you know where mom and dad are?" "Yeah, we're at the hospital. Mom's sick, or something. They don't know whats wrong."

20 minutes later, I was walking into the waiting room of the hospital just down the road from my work, where my mom had been for the last two hours. Not much happened that night, but the next couple weeks were a roller coaster of emotions. Not knowing what it was, was the worst. My mom couldn't move for 3 days. Months went by and a million tests later, the doctors concluded it was a stroke. A small one, but a stroke all the same.

That was literally the only day I can remember leaving a situation on bad terms. It just so happened that was the day my mom became severely sick. I'm not the type of person that believes in "live every day like its your last" because if that were the case, rash decisions would be made and people could be hurt in the process. Instead, I believe in loving others like it is their last day on Earth. Don't be afraid to say the words "I love you". In the words of my personal hero, Jon Foreman...

"Love is the movement. Keep moving, amigos."

August evenings bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight
You never know what temporal days may bring
So laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord

Funny Thing About Love

There’s a tale an old man once told

When the night was young, but awfully cold

He straightened his back and looked above

And said “There’s something funny ‘bout a thing called love”

He looked in my eyes and raised his glass

“You’re never ready, but you fall fast”

I didn’t believe him, but nodded my head

I thought he was done, but he spoke instead

“Her name was Autumn, like the season of fall

She was lean, keen, tan and tall

She spoke the words I wanted to hear

Her voice could always cast away fear

Her fingernails were the color of crimson red

That was her favorite, from what she said

Her eyelashes were long like her hair was dark

She was, to me, a work of art.”

He looked down at the drink in his hand

“But there’s somethin’ ‘bout a woman that can kill a man

It aint what you think, I’ll make that clear

‘Cause what they call love, aint this, here.

Naw, Love’s got a cousin with a dirty name

He goes by Lust, and he’s purdy vain

I spent all summer with that Autumn girl

Waitin’ on love to come and give me a whirl

But her teeth sunk in and her words ran deep

She told me at the end, I was nothin’ but cheap

I soon found out, those crimson covered nails

Was dried on blood from the other males

They were victims, like I was then

But I was stronger than those other men

Yeah, that’s what I told myself, the moment she ran

With my wallet in tow & my heart in hand

I asked myself ‘Who could truly love me

With a stolen heart & this shell of a body?’”

The old man smiled and gave a little laugh

“That wasn’t the last time I’d ever ask

Funny thing about love, it’s patient and kind

But you fall fast with a girl like mine

Healing wasn’t quick, I was hurt for a while.”

His lips grew long, in a loving smile

He pulled out a picture from his wallet fold

And handed it to me, yellowed and old

“She found me about six years later

I was still broken and wanted to hate her

But just like it says in that bible verse

Love isn’t selfish, not even at first

She won me over with her graceful charm

Those sweet blue eyes could do no harm

We’ve been married some 50 years now

She still gives me butterflies, Lord knows how

Just a touch from her hand to my cheek

Can make me so nervous, I can’t even speak

Our kids look just like her, and are just as caring

I wouldn’t take a second from the time we’re sharing

Funny thing about love is, she’s got good timing

And, yeah, at times she can be a bit blinding

Keep your head on straight, son, and don’t lose sight

Cause in the end, you’ll find your Mrs. Right.”

He gave me a wink and headed out of the bar

And that was the night I was saved from a broken heart

Funny thing about love is, it’s got many disguises

Funny thing about love is, it never compromises.

Honesty- the only true currency

Everyone views everyone else in a different light, right? Well I'm not sure how you perceive me, or anyone else for that matter, but I'm going to tell you who I am. I know I say this a lot, but I truly believe honesty is the best policy. This is me being honest.

My name is Lindsey Rene. My mother originally named me Danielle, but after my cousin was named Danielle, my mom decided on Lindsey. My middle name was chosen because Rene was my mom's best friend in college. I have never met this friend. ...and I hate the name Danielle. (No offense to anyone.)

My parents and I have never been close. The only thing my dad and I have in common is our love for all things military related. My mom and I can tolerate each other only while antique shopping. I'm okay with this. Some kids don't connect with their parents. It happens.

I'm a little strange. Although everyone is a little strange in their own ways, I suppose. I was never the type to fit in with a crowd. I'm much better at blending in now, though.

That's the only lesson I learned in high school; how to blend in. Granted, I still stood out even then, but I knew how to blend in, if needed. I've always loved education and I hope to always be constantly learning new things my entire life, but school was always depressing for me. I'm much happier now.

Since high school, I've started over. My best friend is the only person I associate myself with who knew me then and knows me now. I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm being myself for the first time in my life, and I don't feel judged.

My High School Sociology class changed my life.

I am in love with all things 1940's and 50's. My room is decorated in this fashion. My favorite teacher gave me a map of the 'Pacific Area In World War II 1941-1945" he had in the top of his bookshelf, covered in dust. I took it home & unrolled the canvas and hung it on my wall. I stare at it all the time, wondering what that time was like for those involved.

I'm obsessed with feathers as hair accessories. I own a 1940's hat with rooster feathers that pour out the right side. Best 12 bucks I ever spent.

I'm an avid listener to old records. My collection is small, but growing. There is no one I like to listen to more than The Andrews Sisters, Frank Sinatra, and Elvis. I love the crap out of Irving Berlin and Glenn Miller.

Movies are incredibly important to me. You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite movie. My top two favorites are Everything Is Illuminated, and Big Fish. I'm not a Tim Burton fan, but I love a good story. I hate watching movies alone more than anything. They mean a lot to me, and I like to share that with people. I'm an open book.

Speaking of books, I love to read. Donald Miller is my favorite author, but Andrew Schwab is a close second. I refuse to buy a kindle or anything of the sort because the smell of a new book is the best smell in the world. I never finish a book because then, it's all over, and the wonder is gone.

I'm writing a book.

My biggest fear is forgetting. Nothing specific, just...everything. I never want to forget the people I loved and the people I, well, can't stand. They made me who I am. My Senior year of high school I applied for a scholarship honoring a former teacher who passed away. I never had him in class, but I knew what it was like to lose a loved one, and to let them live on through you. I wrote about this in essay form, and I ran into my old History teacher (one of the judges of the essay contest) months later at a wedding. He had tears in his eyes as he quoted a line from my essay. That former teacher was his best friend, and he said my essay meant more to him than I knew. I won the scholarship, but I hope to never forget that moment. I've been so blessed throughout my life, and I never want to forget that.

I use photography as an outlet for that fear. Sometimes people tell me I should make this my career, but I couldn't charge people for doing something I love so much. Plus, then I'd have to buy a pro camera, and who has the money for that?! I kid. ...but, seriously.

I paint my fingernails when I need a change in my life. Exciting, I know, but it makes me smile.

Although most of everything I own right now is red, my favorite color is green. I just think red is a classy color.

I will always call Indianapolis "home" when speaking of it, even though I didn't grow up there.

I've been able to crochet since I was 9. I'm an old lady at heart.

I'm easily annoyed, but I get over it pretty quickly.

I wish I could keep a straight face when I'm angry, but I love to laugh.

On days that I work with my assistant manager, I have to call someone on the way home because he doesn't speak to me all day, and I love to talk.

I don't wear jeans at home. I don't even know how many pairs of pajama pants I actually own.

I love my hair. I wont lie. It took me two years to get to this length, and its going to take me a couple more to grow it out when I chop it all off for Locks of Love.

I wish I knew how to cook, but I'm afraid to attempt it because my parents would insist on trying whatever i fixed, and I don't want to fail and look like an idiot.

It still hurts my feelings when my old friends roll their eyes when I talk about anything sports related. I would say "I'm sorry for discovering something that makes me happy", but I'm not.

I love God, but can't stand my church.

I'm not afraid to say any of this, because it's true. I always want to stay true to myself, and I wish that everyone else felt the same, but it takes baby steps. This is who I am. Who are you?

Peace Like A River

"You give me peace like a river, runnin' free. Peace like a river, and I'm here on my knees. Oh, I feel Your sweet release. What You are and what You do to me, Oh You fill my heart and lay my soul to sleep. You give me peace like a river."

I've done a bit of soul searching the past month, or so. I've done a lot of wrestling, and made a lot of decisions along the way, too. I'm growing and adapting, something I'll always be doing, and I feel the need to share it with you along the way.

If there is one thing I can't stress enough in this life, it is this; Everything happens for a reason. It truly does. I can't even begin to describe all the reasons to believe this, and I honestly can't understand how someone could believe otherwise, especially since we have been granted the gifts of retrospection and perception. This month has been a perfect example.

As I stated in a post months earlier in which I was reluctant to welcome the new season, I spoke about my normal multi-month long battle with SAD as the days get shorter and nights get colder. In years past, it has been pretty bad. I generally had to have a pep-talk with a friend just about every night to get me through the next day. This hasn't been the case this year. Although, don't get me wrong, I still need a pep-talk every now and then, but who doesn't? I have reason to believe this has do to with someone I've been talking to since the seasons were just starting to mesh together.

I didn't really know him, and he really didn't know me. That sounds fun, right? ...Getting to know someone, I mean. I was aware of his feelings, but not of his thoughts. Turns out we're complete opposite people, in just about every way imaginable. Apparently he believed in the "opposites attract" theory, but unfortunately I don't. All in all, things didn't work out, and I was kind of bummed. (I say bummed instead of broken-hearted because, like I stated in my last blog, I don't let anyone break my heart.) But, yes, I'm a girl and am entitled to be emotional about certain things. Needless to say, I started regretting the entire situation after it left an awkward silence between our mutual good friend (who happens to also be my co-worker...well, until tomorrow, that is) and myself.

All this was fresh in my mind as I headed to bed at 4 a.m. this morning. My phone had been charging on the other side of the room for the past couple hours, so I figured it had gained full battery life by now. When I went to unplug it, I saw I had missed a message. I opened my phone to see the name of someone I haven't seen but once since high school. (which is actually kind of funny because, not only is he my brother's apprentice, but he lives not two miles from me.) He assumed I was asleep, but said he needed to talk to me the following morning.

I replied to his message anyway, since I was only half an hour late...maybe he hadn't gone to bed yet? What was soon to come was the most heart-wrenching honesty I've ever heard from anyone. As I've mentioned many times before, I believe honesty is always the best policy, so hearing all this from him was incredible, and it was raw. Throughout all the years I've known him, I've always been there for him when he needed me. I try to be that friend for everyone, but there's always been an extra level of protectiveness in me towards him, yet I never felt he truly appreciated my caring for him. It didn't matter though, I was just happy to be there for him when he needed someone.

Well what was to come at four in the morning was an apology for his never realizing what a true friend I've been to him over the years-his words, not mine-and that he needed me to be the friend to listen, just one more time. An hour and a half later, we both headed to bed but not before I received a message with the words I really needed someone to say: "I know for a fact that you're an amazing person, and you deserve someone that would be loyal, and cares about you as much as I KNOW you would them. I'm just so glad you've listened, and you're there for me...every time I need you. You mean more to me than you know."

You might be wondering what the story of the "new found friend" and this have in common or how this proves everything happens for a reason, but think about it. Had I never gotten to know this new person, I never would have been able to really grasp how true my friends words were. I realized that that guy never measured up to anything I need in not just a relationship, but a friendship as well. I'm no longer bummed. I'm still not going to settle. That conversation came at a perfect time, in the wee hours of the morning, when we're most vulnerable to ourselves. He had no idea I needed to hear those words, yet he spoke them anyway. Those things don't just happen.

Not only did my friends words help me realize my worth, he also helped me realize that I need to be happy. I'm going to be happy, being who I am. Tonight, I picked up a book I haven't read in a while called, "Undressed" by Jason Illian. It's about the naked truth. My eyes have been opened once again to just how blessed I truly am. I've got the best friends anyone could ask for, an awesome job, a family that provides me with more than I need, and most importantly, I've got God on my side. I really couldn't ask for anything more. :)



P.S.- There's a song you should listen to. It's called Peace Like A River by a man named Andrew Ripp. It's absolutely beautiful. Some of the lyrics are above. Go listen, and enjoy.

Raise The Bar High

“I aint settlin’, or “just getting by”. I’ve had enough “so-so” for the rest of my life.”

I'm not quite sure what it is about young women today thinking they need a man to love them before they can love themselves. Most don’t even care about finding the man, they just want a man to tell them they're beautiful. Someone needs to say something and I’m not a shy person, so listen up.

There is a right way and a wrong way to approach a romantic relationship. Too many girls spend too much time living life by the heart. Although it’s true, love is an emotion, many fail to realize how important it is to guide your emotions through your mind, sort of like a filtering process. That might sound like a cold-hearted idea, but stay with me, here.

There are three things girls and women alike need to realize and take to heart before letting just anyone in. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a very 'open book' kind of person, a I wear my heart on my sleeve, but when it comes to a relationship with the opposite sex, I always let my mind be my guide before my heart. That doesn't mean I can't be spontaneous and fun, I can still make logical decisions and not look like a fool. I prefer the "Yes, I do have brains" look to the, "..What?" look any day. Too many young woman give up on themselves, and so quickly because they think they need a man to fill that emotional void. Let me tell you now, no physical action can cover an emotional wound.

As for those three reasons, here they are:

Don't Settle. I can't stress this enough. No woman deserves to settle just because she believes she can't do any better, or because 'he treats me well'. Just because he's nice, doesn't mean he's your soul mate. Yes, I use the term soul mate because I whole-heartedly believe God has created a mate for us, if we only let Him lead the way. It's a hard concept for many females to comprehend because we think we're so different that when we find a guy who accepts us, we've got to hold onto him. Listen to me, no you dont. There are plenty of guys out there, and they aren't all douchebags, I promise.

Be Picky. Don't go for the first guy who makes eye contact with you. How boring would that be, anyway? There are other guys out there willing to date you, trust me. Wait for the right one. I'm not saying you have to find Mr. Right right away, we'd all love that if it were possible, but wait for someone who is not just good to you, but good for you as well. Going on one date doesn't mean you're in a relationship, so you're allowed to make mistakes. If you don't click with a guy, don't go out with him again. Simple as that. Be realistic about it. If what's important to you isn't important to him, I'm sorry but, I guarantee he won't "change for you". Wait for the guy who shares your priorities.

Just Breathe. A lot of young girls get attached too easily. They get excited that someone is paying attention to them and they don't want to let that feeling (or that guy) go. Coming from a girl who has to watch this happen every Sunday evening, that's just pathetic. Trust me, the guy thinks so, too. It also attracts them in the wrong way. That's how it is between two of my friends, he knows she's in love with him because she's always following him around like a little puppy, but he keeps her around for the sex. Don't be that girl. Don't obsess. Let him chase you.

I'll admit right here and now that I haven't been in many relationships, but I also don't let anyone break my heart. If I don't match up intellectually or morally with a guy I find attractive, you better believe nothing will happen. There's so much more than physical attraction. Hopefully some girls will learn to accept that, and keep their heart in one piece. You're worth waiting for.

My Real Life Was Boring

I'm on a constant mission. A mission of transformation. I'm a firm believer in that we should never do anything alone in this life, especially a change like the one I'm striving for. It may not be big, but its the little things that matter. Everyone on this journey has someone they look up to for inspiration whether it be their favorite ball player, movie star, musician or anyone else. For me, my number one motivator will always be my favorite author, Donald Miller.


Don was "that kid" when he was younger. He was the chubby one. He didn't have a father to share memories with. He didn't know how to love himself, let alone love God. The one thing he did have, though, was his sense of humor. Eventually he was able to forgive his father for leaving, accept God as his Heavenly Father, and learned to love himself. But, it wasn't an easy journey. Throughout his five books, he tells the story of his journey, and how God has helped him through it all.

Not only do I love his writing for the honesty of it all, how he can tell all who read of the happiness and anger he's felt...but also his ability to laugh. I'm a very sarcastic person, and I write the way I speak, because its raw that way. This is how Don writes, and I love every second of it. In his last book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, he spent many pages writing on the fact that he did everything he could for months to avoid writing said book, simply because he's lazy. Honesty, I always love it.

Not only is he entertaining to read with all his witty sarcasm, he's definitely got his attention grabbing methods. For example, some of his chapter titles include: "Santa Takes a Leak", "How To Kill Your Neighbor", "Why I Am Better Than You", "Penguin Sex" and "Thoughts on Paying the Rent", along with comics entitled "Don Rabbit and the Sexy Carrot". This guy may seem like a joke to you, but he's the one who brings me closer to God. He's real. That's who we all are, we're all humans and Don is the first to admit it.

A year ago I got the chance to go to a seminar with him and Susan Isaacs, writer of Angry Conversations With God. I don't think I laughed more that entire year than I did that night. (especially when Don goofed up and said David had sex with Goliath...."You didn't read THAT in your bible, did ya?!") Afterwords, the rest of the audience that stayed after the closing prayer got in line to talk to Don and have him sign his books. I brought my favorite, Blue Like Jazz with me and bought A Million Miles In A Thousand Years that night. The thing I appreciated is, he wasn't sitting behind a table or refusing to take pictures or only limiting his signing to one book. He stood in the middle of the church aisle (even though he'd been standing on stage all night), shook each and every persons hand as he looked in their eyes and smiled. He asked everyone their names, and asked how they were doing. He couldn't have been more friendly, and this was close to midnight!

The reason Don is my motivator, isn't because he's funny. He's my motivator because, although he makes close to nothing off his books, he's made a difference. He's started a mentoring program for kids without fathers, biked across the country to raise money for starving families, and simply spends time with people. He's proved to himself that he's capable of anything he puts his mind to, which is one thing I'm striving to accept. He takes part in many adventures all over the states that benefit not only him, but other families as well, he's always on a mission to help others. That is my goal, to make a difference. It may not be huge what I do, but like I said, its the little things in life that matter the most.

"Fans Go Crazy For the Boys of Fall"

It's fall. Halloween is less than a week away, I've said goodbye to my baseball team, and embraced my love for my hometown football team, the Indianapolis Colts (with a lot of crap from the locals). I'll be the first to admit, I hate fall. There's nothing I like about cold weather, the shorter days, or all the gorgeous green leaves dying and falling to the ground in their imminent death. This is the time of year I always fall victim to S.A.D and become the most unpleasant being on the planet. Although thanks to the recent weather, however, I haven't been so unpleasant yet. This has given me the chance to step back and really look at the changes in the season, and changes in my life. Not only that, but I've been learning things as I go.


A few days ago was an off day for me, and I spent the day outside (which is a rare thing as I'm usually on the computer working on something). The weather was absolutely beautiful. The sun was shining brightly over my head, there was a slight breeze, just enough to create little ripples in the water and the air was filled with the scent of fall. I let my dogs out for an early run because I didn't even want them to miss out on a day like that. Lately I've been walking about two miles a day with my best friend, but she was busy that afternoon so I decided to take a walk with my beloved pup (who's actually not a pup, but about 7 years old!). He's worse than a small child in the fact that he's a very hyper dog and, believe it or not, he never gets tired or worn out. He's always fun to go walking with, even if he doesn't always stick around (He's got terrible ADD, I swear). We walked to our back pasture, then up the road a bit. I know people always talk about how they'd love to live in the country and hear nothing but silence. Actually, its not like that at all, its better.

Out here, we're not exactly within earshot of our neighbors. But on a nice day, you can walk outside and hear our old neighbors shootin' the bull with one another. Laughter fills the air and so does target practice by a few others, in preparation for deer season. I never noticed how beautiful this time of year can be.

Not only is the weather the only change, but there's a transformation in sports as well. I was having a hard time saying goodbye to baseball for a while, seeing as this is my first off season after becoming a fan in early June. I was at work about a month back and although I can't hear the radio from my designated spot, I stepped into the office and listened a song I'd heard a million times recently, but I hadn't listened to the lyrics at all. It was a song called The Boys of Fall by Kenny Chesney.

As I listened, I realized how much I really missed football and the high I used to get from it, before I knew baseball. It was a Friday night and my best friend was at a local high school football game, so I decided to ask off for that Sunday to ensure I could finally watch a football game or two. It also helped that the Colts were playing the Broncos that Sunday (I've adopted the Broncos as my stepteam this year after Tim Tebow was drafted in the first round, plus my cousin has been a die hard Broncos fan his entire life, so I thought I'd give them some attention). Although, to my huge disappointment I found that since they were playing at the Broncos stadium, I didn't get to watch it on my TV. I settled for my second favorite Draftee, Sam Bradford. I watched as the Rams defeated the Redskins 30-16. Ultimately the Colts would defeat the Broncos 27-13. I did nothing but watch an incredible game unfold before me. I'd missed that feeling a lot. The last full game I watched before that day was the Super Bowl when my beloved Colts lost to the Saints. I was glad a team I liked was winning this time. This was the day I found my football love all over again, and the sadness I felt over the Cardinals season ending, wasn't necessarily gone but it made the transformation process much easier.

Not only did I learn to love football all over again, but my dad and I have been watching a few games together, and we're getting along a lot better since we actually like the same teams in football. That's not the case for baseball, unfortunately. I even found out that my dad played in a minor league football team. Why did I not know this before? The team has since changed their name, and I can't really find any information online about them with their former name, but maybe someday I'll run across something. Just a cool bit of information.

There are 6 days until my favorite holiday, Halloween, and I've finally accepted that fall is here and its time to transform myself as well. Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday and we're going to spend the day watching scary movies, enjoying the weather, carve pumpkins, and end the day with a bonfire and roast a hot dog or two along with some marshmallows, of course. Welcome to fall, everyone.

PS- Even though I'm fully immersed in football, I'm still rooting for the Rangers in the World Series. #GoGoPowerRangers! :)